Kendis knew they were in trouble before they even opened their eyes. She didn’t feel the familiar yet comforting feeling of her house’s wards.

Yet, the biggest clue that something wasn’t quite right was that she was naked.

Kendis never slept naked.

They snapped open their eyes, wincing at the sting of the bright sun. Kendis groaned as she sat up, cradling her pounding head.

At the sight of a shirtless white man standing in the middle of a strange hotel room she had no previous memory of, her well-honed battle instincts kicked in, and with a burst of magic, Kendis’s wand was instantly smacking into her hand.

“Whatcha gonna do with that little stick?” The stranger asked, confused.

You would be surprised,” Kendis bit out hoarsely.

Their eyes swept over the unfamiliar hotel room. The hotel room was unnecessarily opulent, with large floor-to-ceiling windows stretched across one wall that looked out onto the Las Vegas skyline. It had an open floor plan, and from the enormous bed, they could see a white rectangular sectional and two white recliners facing a fireplace. On either side was a fully stocked bar that had a few empty bottles on top of it.

Kendis could afford a room like this, but it was something they would never splurge on. And it was much simpler than the room she had hired for the weekend. Kendis examined him, noting his messy brown hair, beard, and tan, muscular physique.

Kendis’ gaze trailed down his body and then paused as they saw a gold ring on their finger. Gasping, they sat up and exclaimed, “Please tell me this isn’t what it looks like!”

The stranger held up his hand and sure enough there was a gold band on his finger. “I got a matching one.”

“What?!” Kendis squawked. Sure enough, on their finger was a ring.

He took out a folded piece of paper from his trouser pocket and waved it at her. “You’re Kendis Black, right?”

“Yes.” Kendis felt sick to their stomach. They were pretty sure it wasn’t all because of the massive hangover they had.

“Then yep,” The man said in an oddly chipper voice. “According to White Wedding Chapel? You are the new Mx. Stark.”

With a stunned gaze, Kendis wondered if this was all a nightmare. Surely, they would wake up and be back at the shop.

Kendis wrapped the sheets around them into a makeshift toga and hurried out of bed. They nearly stumbled over their feet as they rushed to snatch the paper out of his hands.

They read it once, then twice, and then a third time. But no matter how many times Kendis read the marriage certificate, Kendis James Black was still legally married to Anthony Edward Stark.

“Oh, Merlin,” Kendis groaned as they stared down at the certificate.

“Merlin?”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure!”

Kendis shot a glare and then pinched the bridge of their nose. “Can you shut your gob for a moment so I can hyperventilate in bloody peace?”

To his credit, he gave her about a second of blessed peace, and then he said:

“There were a few reports from the Bugle and some other tabloids, but since the Bugle reported about my alien love child last week, no one is taking it seriously.”

“Why aren’t you taking this seriously?” Kendis snapped. “We got married!”

“I would freak out more if you hadn’t signed an NDA and a prenup.” Tony shrugged. He pointed to the stack of papers on the coffee table.

Then, she heard a chime, and Tony grimaced as he checked his phone. “Plus, my assistant is already on damage control.”

Kendis wanted to know how in the hell Tony had those types of papers at the ready. They believed the papers were invalid, as Kendis signed them while drunk.

Tony must have read the question on their face because he said, “This ain’t my first rodeo, sweetheart. This is like the third time this has happened to me.”

“That’s great.” Kendis laughed hysterically. “This is sodding fantastic!”

“Look, we’ll sign some papers, and my lawyers and PR team will make this all go away.”

“Husband,” Kendis sighed, as she suddenly realized how much trouble she was in. “Oh my god, you’re my husband. “

Kendis’s existential crisis was abruptly interrupted by the dulcet sounds of “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel. They realized it was coming from the pocket of their discarded shorts.

With bed sheets in hand, Kendis shuffled over to their shorts and pulled out their phone.

Tony threw a look of disgust at it. “An iPhone, really?”

Kendis glared at him and answered the phone. “Hey, Hermione.”

“Where are you?”

Kendis tried to come up with an explanation that wouldn’t get them yelled at even more. She glared at the ring that glinted malevolently on her finger.

“I got lost,” Kendis lied.

“Kendis–” Hermione started, but Kendis interrupted them.

“I know I promised to keep an eye on the lads, but I got distracted.”

”Kendis,” Hermione huffed, clearly frustrated. “The wedding’s in an hour!”

And Kendis checked the time on their phone. Sure enough, it was eleven am. Seamus and Dean’s wedding venue was booked for noon.

“I expected Ron to be this irresponsible, but I thought you were better than that–”

“I’ll be there,” Kendis promised. “I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.” They hung up before Hermione could go into yet another lecture on the importance of being a responsible adult.

“Look,” Kendis started to say as they picked up their tank top off the floor and, with some maneuvering, managed to slip it on under the sheet. “This has been great and all, but I’m late for a wedding.”

“We are already married, dear,” Tony replied, smugly.

“Sod off!” Kendis shot him another glare. “My mates are getting married.” They looked around, past the messy bed, and then spotted it: their black motorcycle jacket. Kendis quickly pulled it on and then went in search of her boots.

“This is so cliché,” Tony laughed.

Kendis ignored him and turned towards the door.

“Gimme your phone,” Tony demanded. Kendis shot him a furious look.

Tony scoffed and snatched Kendis’s phone out of their hand. He quickly typed something in.

“This is my personal number,” Tony said. “Text me your address, and I will have my attorneys send you the paperwork.”

Kendis grabbed her phone back and said, “Fine.” Then, she put on her boots and quickly laced them before running to the door.

“No goodbye kiss for your new husband?” Tony teased.

Without looking back, Kendis flipped him the finger as she stormed out of the hotel room, slamming the door behind her.

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